The Unknown Variable


I want it.

I just don’t know what it really is.


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Amor Proprio

It’s not if, but when.

You will fall in love.

It’s as inevitable as the aging time.

You won’t get to choose with whom,

And you certainly can’t forecast the when.

Maybe that’s why there’s chaos in the world.

Maybe that’s why there’s pain.

Cause the other person is just as helpless as you are.

It’s not if, but when.

And if it’s not you, then there was/is/will-be somebody else.

Do you see the flaws in the fairy tales of true love and soul mates yet?

Cause who decides that you’ll fall in love only once?

And how do you escape the sugar coated tongues & sharp claws of the false ones?

How do you stop the gravity from stringing you around an collapsing, unstable sun?

You don’t.

Because you can’t.

And now add your misfortunes, wrong timing & inherent nervousness to this mix,

And you’ll brew a sinister concoction of dizzying complications.

And that’s why you can’t forget that-

It’s not if, but when…

Cause it’s a slow fall and a sudden twist of destiny.

Feeling lightheaded enough?

We’re not even nearly done.

This was just the beginning.

‘Falling in Love – Chapter One’.

‘Staying in Love’ is an altogether different curriculum!

It’s staying afloat once you’ve fallen.

It’s keeping dry underwater.

It’s dancing with sharks with a bleeding thumb.

Cause contrary to the popular beliefs love isn’t a magical, self sustained continuum.

It’s an egoistic parasite.

It‘s got a half life of it’s own.

And it takes faith, patience & blindness to survive, you know?

Too much work?

I thought so…

But what’s the objective?

What are we trying to accomplish here?

Cause no matter what we do and what preemptive actions we take;

We’re in for a guaranteed shit show.

Cause it’s not if, but when.

We will fall in love.

And we will collect new scars.

There’s no if.

No scope for doubt.

All we can do is learn to let go our lovers.

All we can do is learn to cherish our past.

Just don’t give up on love yet.

And believe you deserve the absolute best.


Your Lady Luck will arrive soon.

Have some faith & always protect yourself.

Do this enough & you’ll find you’re falling again.

This time for none other than yourself.

Surely not a love at first sight.

Surely not the easiest kind.

But the one guaranteed to last your lifetime.

And you’ll be glad.

Glad that it wasn’t a matter of if, but when.


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Sea Turtles

So many topics swim around in my mind like sea turtles,

Carrying around the weight of a thousand worlds.

Reminding me of insignificance of my bickerings.



But not weightless.

No wonder the gravity feels so heavy right now.

What I don’t understand is, how people withstand so much worse and I can’t?

Maybe I’m not a sea turtle after all…

Maybe I’m just a brittle backed one.


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It’s nighttime and I’m on the ground.

I’m a wolf.

I’m looking to escape the tangles of this Mirkwood of life;

A way out.

A clearing.

I’m a wolf chasing the light.

I howl…

But not to the moon.

The moon betrayed me a long time ago.

With eclipses, new moons & excuses of clouds.

And I’m sick of it.

I’m after the star who‘s been with me through the thick and thin.

The highs & lows.

The darkest of darks & brightest of brights.

Somebody who made sure, that I wasn’t blinded by these brilliant flashes of life.

Someone who’s witty, innocent and fun.

Rude, mean- but honest like the blazing sun.

She’s ruthless, but she shows up.

Every time.


It’s almost as if she cares.

That’s why it takes me by surprise when the skies suddenly dim today.

I search.

I seek.

I run.

But I can’t see her on my upcoming horizon.

I’m stretched beyond my limits.

I’m distorted into countless shapes, but to no avail.

Another mistake.

Another betrayal.

Another reason for lunacy.

Was I fooled by another display of orchestrated honesty…?

There are two moons in the sky today.

Two tricksters.

And I’m just a lone wolf crying from the ground.

Something roars in the trees and bites me in the side.

The sheeps growl, as they sink their teeth inside.

My blood trickles down, colouring my coat it goes.

I’ve got saber claws & red murderer’s paws.

But the roar returns and so does the bite.

Louder, closer, more searing than the first time.

I collapse to the ground.

The brave sheeps vanish.

The hunters come out, clocking their shotguns ready.

And I understand that I’m their sheep now.

I wasted my hour of hunt chasing lights instead of meat.

And got murdered by the hunters of the life for it.

My vision gets a tinge of red from the leftovers of my mistakes.

I see the crescent moon & my heart is newly filled with rage.

But it’s wasted now.

I howl.

And it just comes out as a whimper.

The twin moons snicker from a million miles above.

Their laughter is all that echoes in the world.

And the whole universe stands alerted of my failures.

But don’t worry.

You won’t get the pleasure of seeing me beg, dearest moon.

Fallacy of love wouldn’t be dawning upon me anytime soon.

I choose to die a fool.

My pride wouldn’t break down.

It’s the sound of crushed dreams that you’re hearing right now.

But it’s as if I almost do not care.

Cause long before the final shot rings through the air,

I’ve given up.

My eyes are closed,

My goodbyes done,

And I’ve already exhaled my final breath.

I might not know much about status, success or what it takes to fly.

But I sure know a lot about the stars, the lights and the sky.

I know a bit about love,

What beauty looks like,

And What tragedies are.

And ain’t that enough, dear one?

Ain’t that enough?


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I’m done being a bystander.

I’ve had enough.

I’d rather be the bad guy, the arrogant, the egoistic maniac;

Than be your normal goody-two-shoe sitting in the passenger seat,

Waiting for you to hand me over the steering wheel of my own life.


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The Blank Page

When you ripped off your chapter from my life,

I found the words of our story again.

They left an indelible mark on the pages of my tomorrow.

And I can still make your handwriting in it.

So, I read it.

And just like that you’ve got me hooked again…

And by the time I’m finished,

Your ‘I love yous’ are the only thing ringing in my ears-

In waves crashing upon my bitter, burned trust- trying to shape it into something else.

And I knew, I needed to stay focused to remember your betrayals;

But the memories kept playing on repeat.

The world crumbled in pieces and the sky crashed down in thunder & sleet.

Drowning my screams and cooling my rage with it.

Leaving me aimless without them…

They say, ‘Once bitten- twice shy’.

But we both know that was never my case.

So, with trembling hands and foggy brain,

A fool is set to write again.

And I wrote…

I wrote how I felt.

And I hoped you’d understand, if not reciprocate.

I wrestled with my fate and the history repeated itself.

Who knew love would be so helpless & weak…?

I ran towards the traces of hope & light.

And soon realised- in the shadows of my past I’ll never find it.

And I thought-

‘This must be how, being stuck in a limbo feel.

The one I can’t have, is the one I can’t hate…

I never understood the madness betrayed love evokes before; 

But I know it now.

A hopeless romantic- crazy in love, 

Is a bitter one, turning looney in his head.

And maybe this is how he stays, enticed by the crooked writings of his beloved.

In love with the impressions on his blank page.

Not able to write on them, 

Not able to move past them...’


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