Words

Maybe something’s broken. 

Or maybe I’m healing. 

Whatever it is- 

My words are gone.

My feelings are rooted. 

Never giving the river a chance. 

Nostalgic for something that was never mine. 

And without the novelty 

The muse grows stubborn, too.  

How do you fill blank pages,

If emptiness is all you feel?

I don’t know the answer,

But I know I need this. 

Just like I needed your songs,

To forget your lies,

and to remember the love. 

I need my words,

To stay afloat. 

They tether me to life.

Cause without them I’ll be drifting.

Gliding away in the open sky. 

A loose balloon in the summer breeze. 

What a freedom it’d be!

To finally be able to let go.

But I know the flight will be fleeting

And the freedom momentary. 

So I go back to my old shackles. 

I need to find my words. 

I have to. 

For I’ve always been a poet on borrowed emotions. 

& I need to write something new. 

So, I look in the places we fell in love. 

In long, heartfelt passages and wise one liners. 

In the pages which convinced me of magic.

In stories which broke barriers of space and time. 

& I still can’t find them. 

Where are they?

Who am I?

I’m lost… 

So, let me start again- 

‘I’m looking for my words…

Not love, not money, not happiness.

I just want my words. 

Has anybody seen them?’

***

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Rain

That sunny day,

when you looked dead in my eyes

& said you never loved me;

was the day the rain began. 

& it hasn’t stopped since.

***

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Memories

In the closet of memories, 

There’s a hiding spot untraceable to me.

There she waits. 

Till I open my next beer.

And I oblige. 

For drinking is my new religion. 

& once I’m drunk enough,

She comes for a visit. 

& all the feelings I’d forgotten I could feel, 

Come rushing right back to the surface,

For a fresh breath of life. 

Leaving me disoriented & dizzy again.

And in that breathless state;

My mask always slips.

And I drown in self hate & self pity. 

And it’s not pretty,

Knowing the real me.

Sure, the time has healed the wounds. 

But the scars are still there.

I show them to the world. 

‘See? I wasn’t always afraid to love.’

I mumble in my drunken state. 

Embarrassing my classy friends. 

But she doesn’t care. 

She waits till I’m sober again. 

& then we say our goodbyes…

And there she goes leaving me again. 

& I pretend like I never cared. 

But come each night,

I drink.

I drink till I drown in my past. 

Where she’s always there. 

Hiding in the closet of memories. 

Where everything’s alright,

& we got nothing but time.

Where she can’t cheat 

& go somewhere I can’t follow. 

Where she can’t die… 

…until I do, too. 

***

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Kites

Kites don’t fly. 

They keep tugging at their chains

Till they break free

And float away to explore new skies. 

***

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Ugly

She was broken 

& he was betrayed. 

One hesitant to try,

The other reluctant to move on. 

Never imagined it would happen,

But it seems, even the betrayed needs a companion he could trust… 

Brought closer by the same pain,

Their burden lessened with every secret shared. 

The walls crumbled down,

& the facades faded away. 

& soon they learned to love their scars,

& once they’d accepted their imperfect, ugly selves;

Dreams took the place of nightmares,

Bitterness blossomed into hope,

& the hate learned a new meaning of love. 

And the whole world watched-

astonished & marvelled. 

Cause that’s how beautiful they were…

***

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