Intruder

“I am pressing against the frame,

I am chanting the right words,

I am gripping my fists and letting them go.

The house is on fire, and all I know how to do is write poems.

All I know how to do is arrange flowers on the table of a burning home…”

~ Hannah’s poem from ’13 Reasons Why’.

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Need

A place to belong.

Someone to call home.

Something to hold on to.

A space to grow.

What else do we need?

***

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The Answer

Love shouldn’t be an excuse to accept mediocrity.

Love should push you to your limits.

It should strive to seek the best out of you.

It should drive you to do more, to be more; to be better-

And not the other way around.

Love doesn’t mean blind allegiance or acceptance.

In fact, it should be your best critic whenever it’s called for.

So, yes.

It doesn’t matter to me that you failed.

I didn’t fall for your success.

I fell for you.

So, it doesn’t matter.

I still love you the same.

Maybe even more.

But, it hurts.

Especially cause I know that you failed, only cause you grew careless & complacent.

You took all the nice things for granted.

And how can I love you for that?

It’s alright, if you’ve changed your mind.

If you don’t want to do this anymore.

I totally understand.

But you should have the guts to accept it loud.

You can’t remain silent and expect me to know your mind.

You can’t commit half-ass and not expect me to go mad.

I’m not a saint.

I don’t believe in the forgiveness shit.

So, here’s the answer to your question-

Yes. I do love you, still.

But, I remain disappointed.

***

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Stuck

I am the bird that keeps hitting the same window pane.

I know.

The pain hasn’t cracked my thick skull yet.

I’m just looking for my cut down tree.

I’m just looking for gaps in your cruel inhumanity.

I just want my life to be the way it used to be.

The novelty, the challenges, the changes aren’t always good.

I realise that now.

So, take me back to a simpler, boring time.

And if you can’t;

Then lie.

Don’t tell me it isn’t there.

Don’t tell me you’re gone forever.

Let me live a little.

Let me know some hope.

Let me breathe this poisonous air and believe that I won’t die.

Let me believe that we’ve still got some time.

And if you can’t;

If you’re incapable of lying all of a sudden, then let’s continue our game of silences.

Let’s keep pretending that we do not exist in the same universe.

Let’s keep pretending that we are strangers to each other.

I much prefer that slow death over your cold truths and the finality of it all.

***

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The Escapist

Escaping myself is my only way of life.

I’ve tried so hard not to be me,

That I’m finally a non person.

I’m a black hole trying to devour myself.

Running devoid of emotions,

Slowly being chipped away.

There’s a tinge of smoke in the air.

Glaring embers, gutted flesh & yet nobody knows.

I try to reduce myself to ash,

I long to disperse on a lonely wind.

I’m a runner.

An escapist.

An invisible man.

I’m an introvert’s wildest dream.

But, that doesn’t mean I’m indestructible.

I still need to be understood, sometimes.

I do need you to love the real me.

Not this painted facade which everyone sees.

My scars are visible all over my shivering, naked self.

Still bleeding.

My innocence seeps out with my blood.

My darkness peeks out from my cracks.

I wait for you to take me in your arms.

I wish, you could see me for who I really am.

Only if these walls were not so high…

I built them to protect myself.

Unscalable.

And now they are my prison.

Inescapable.

I’m an escapist & yet I’m trapped within myself.

Ironic?

I know.

But what else is new?

Does everyone know some secret, which I somehow missed out onto?

Maybe again destiny‘s got me fooled.

Everyone got a friendly ground & I was left with my mind aloof.

It’s a dark room,

A graveyard,

A battlefield of it’s own.

Well! What can I say?

I’m a black hole trying to devour myself.

And there’s plenty of light still to be darkened, I guess.

Plenty of room in my head.

How is that possible, when I’m shrinking by second?!

Well, black holes really are portals to other worlds.

A two dimensional space for thoughts.

An endless growing plane.

Free from the constraints of reality.

Where time is an fairly, alien concept, too.

I killed it a long time ago, I guess.

Trapped it in a loop- of me & you.

I’m hurting,

I’m addicted.

And I don’t want it to stop.

I’m an escapist.

But am I?

It seems, I don’t want to escape everything.

I don’t want to forget you.

Just me.

Yes, I long to lose myself to the oblivion.

Yes, I long to disperse on a lonely wind.

But I plan on taking your memories along.

I believe they’ll be faithful somehow.

I believe they’ll be good to me.

***

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Introspect

Let’s just sit today.

Let’s just see each other.

I mean, really have a look at ourselves.

It’s been a while since we did that.

Are we really the people we’re pretending to be?

***

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